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What Advice Can I Give?

Q: My daughter-in-law’s brother is in a committed gay relationship and is going to be the father of a child carried by a woman who will allow the two men to adopt the baby.

My son and his wife do not approve of this arrangement, but they don’t want to turn their four children (ages 6 to 12) against their beloved uncle or this new baby. My son wants to handle this the best way for his children to understand. What advice can you give?

A: Laws vary by state, but in some places a mother has up to 30 days to decide if she wishes to go through with the proposed adoption. I mention that because your son and daughter-in-law might want to wait until the adoption is absolutely final before explaining it to their children.

On the other hand, your grandchildren may already be aware of this impending birth and adoption. If that is the case, then I advise that they congratulate their uncle on the birth and adoption of this child. Given the age range of your grandchildren, they will probably have different questions that need to be answered honestly as they arise. There is only so much that can be anticipated beforehand.

Your son and daughter-in-law can explain their conviction that God intends children to be raised by a mother and a father, but that does not always happen. No child should be penalized for the circumstances of his or her birth. The child had no freedom in that choice.

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